Xmas Movies That Don't Fuck Around

I'll make this short. Looking for a movie this holiday season but don't want to watch Charlie Brown for the fucking twentieth time? (Not that it's not a bad flick - a little Peanuts goes a long way). Then thank whatever heathen god you believe in that I'm here, for the true gift of the magi is kick-ass movies you didn't know were Christmas movies.

McClane fends off fellow last minute holiday shoppers

"Die Hard" and "Die Hard 2: Die Harder" - Both take place at Xmas, although let's be real, you're only gonna watch the first one. That's fine. It's a fucking awesome film. Unless you're a big Dennis Franz fan, then part two is what you're looking for.

That last Tickle Me Elmo is mine, BITCH!

"Batman Returns" - In my opinion, it's the best of the o.g. Batman films. It's dark, it's moody, it has Walken. I saw it twice in theaters, and Christmas has never been the same since. Plus, there is some adult situations in there that I TOTALLY missed as a kid. Check out the dialog between Bruce and Selina during the masquerade ball if you don't believe me. Naughty shit.

In high school, my friend Sean and I were the teen version of these two. I was Murtaugh.

"Lethal Weapon" - Before Mel when batshit crazy and started directing Christ torture porn, he only played a batshit crazy Riggs. Writer Shane Black must have a thing about Xmas, 'cause...

Downey Jr. during his 15th screen test for "Iron Man". Silly studio exes.

"Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" - ...is also set during Christmas. I imagine little Shane Black's childhood holiday memories must have been filled with egg nog and gunfire.

I blame the Duke brothers for the recession.

"Trading Places" - Oh Eddie Murphy, you are so funny in this. I still laugh when Aykroyd eats the salmon hidden in his filthy Santa costume. Shit is hi-lar-e-ous!

*Bonus Movie You Already Knew Was About Xmas*
"Bad Santa" - Fucking funniest holiday movie ever. 'Nuff said.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Something to aspire to.